Established Marvel : a Monk by Abbreviation

196. KILLING TIME (nyc, 1967):

I never wanted to hate nor did I ever really have that many things to hate but back in those days I realized that once you set out trying to determine what to hate you're quickly surprised by learning how many things there are worthy of hatred and - for me at that time - my entire life was spinning reeling leaping out of control in some aspects : things I had little inkling of or situational management over - there suddenly arose plenty and so I guess what I'm saying is that everyone should just look out for this stuff because it is going to come at you and get you and unless you ferret out ahead of time the singularities and specifics of what you're going to be looking at - whether for or against - it's all going to blast you - these are really the most important things of every moment of your time - vastly more important than who you're making out with eating with having sex with working with and all that and it's right then too when you're MOST vulnerable because all those school-bastards who've had your mind for 18 or 20 years until then THEY'RE not going to let on they're just going instead to try and teach you the rules and the operations of business as usual - both so they can continue to be paid and so that you can find your own shitty rung on that ladder of crap the rest of your time will be sent trying to 'climb' up but instead all it does is - in the long run - strangle you as much as you will let it and for me I was beset at every turn with eerily haunting things trying to chase me down - draft board maniacal killers trying to snare me as well into their nightmare bullshit quagmire of Army life Vietnam butt-crunching nasty fucking lies and twisted facts gun-mill fodder-for-the-cannon routine run as it was by little weaselly pointy-headed drill sergeant bastards posted in small offices all across the land - nothing having to do with combat but just instead pushing others into it with their mealy-mouthed lies and false attributions and absolutely no brains at all NOT ME THANKS and I fought that and fled that as well as any business-oriented 'achiever's ideal' experience of the lawyerly let's-stay-in-school-and-be-something crowd and I'd seen plenty of that too and - well shit it was already decided (and this was the REALLY revolutionary stuff) - if I 'had' to kill anyone it would have to be one of them thank you all the same.