177. AS ON THE QUESTION OF EVIL:In the catalogue of all mankind
there'd never been precisely a
definition given of what went into the makeup of a 'good' person - all they ever went on about was doing things for others and the rest of that but at heart I always found that most people
looked out for themselves first and alone and were just as happy about that anyway and it was only the 'enforcers' of ideas that eventually had as their end money for someone or something - whether it was a cause or a crusade -
and to be truthful you never did see someone else's car in another man's driveway - if you follow me - and it's like a point of pride that people keep about possessions and the like - property house belongings and all that rest of that 'stuff' you can't take with you
and all of humankind is nothing anyway but things other people have left behind : kids houses cars wives husbands possessions and money too : so it's a weird very weird world of leftovers and fake intentions and
I never let those smarmy types like preachers and advisers and guides and the rest get my ear because deep down I felt it was all bad information and
propaganda too - the kind of stuff they sell in really bad countries run by little men with bad suits and bad teeth - but no one really runs around aware of this and the fact of the matter is that
someone's always taking from you one way or the other so it ends up that all life's a defensive move and it ends up
by you against others or by others against you and any good intentions you may ascribe to your actions are essentially
only done for self-preservation or a certain form of self-conservation - which doesn't
necessarily have to be a b
ad thing :
anyway I knew lots of people who lived like that - in a meddlesome nowhere-land of in-between motivations not unlike the people who are nasty assholes all week and then go heavily to church and act all pious on Sundays just to pretend good intention (pretend or not)
and any philosophy built upon any of this stuff is going to be by definition very finite and limited and lacking - thus all
those self-help groups and affirmation-reinforcement groups one sees - yoga clubs book clubs self-improvement and civic societies and all that :
it's a stupidly unreal as a Godzilla movie or something like that ever was yet nonetheless the same endless people just go the same way endlessly on about it over and over and ever and on and I never did think that 'Good' really ever existed - instead all my life I've believed Evil exists and predominates (don't get me wrong if I say I 'believed in Evil' because what it means is that I believed Evil existed) and
at bottom all systems and all stipulations and all rational and logical plans and things and operations are manipulative ways for Evil by whatever personification and whichever practitioner to do its work and go about its ways and biddings.