Established Marvel : a Monk by Abbreviation

86. WHEREVER EVENTS TAKE ME...

As a young man I spent a few years in the Kyoto Society of Imperial Buddhism where I was sequestered in a strict monastery atmosphere among a mix of advanced and beginner level Shinto thinkers - all this in an exercise of trying to instill awareness and positive universalism into the otherwise privileged and encapsulated minds of wealthy young men and as part of this training we were made to give away the (equivalent) sums of one thousand dollars a month to anyone randomly found or selected on the street (after imparting to them a slight 'sermon' of enlightened talk) and we did this for one year twelve times - and the one thing it did for me immediately was to make apparent the actual randomness of what random actually is - for 'random' is what you make it as my selection of 'random' turned out never to be random at all and that's the one quality of the exercise I could never get over - the immediate and at-the-core misrepresentation of the exercise itself and I found (as MY lesson taken from this) how most everything in this life is actually incorrect and thus illusionary and thus based on nothing but false belief or misunderstanding of complete obeisance to fabricated elements AND I found it to be that people are actually quite comfortable with this and that becomes the quality of the value by which they live their lives and this element then builds on the next element and the next and so on and before anyone knows it we have societies built on essential wrongs and misunderstandings (or as I'd once put it - to great acclaim - we find ourselves 'morbidly out-of-place').
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(I've got things to tell you - too many to list - and I guess YES! the greatest of these is how much I love you and I really do even though I never SHOW such maladroit dramas past the scrim of the stage and I act as I act as if no love itself ever passed through my cage - BUT IT DOES! and you have all too - so marvel not naked at what I've just said or what I've been doing for this sort of love is for sure my UN-doing).
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The shtetl is unsettled the provinces are in revolt and over the border now have broken the hordes.
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I was reading Gary Snyder in the shade of some old oak while carriages and horses passed me by - alas each with tourists filled BUT here no matter that - and I thought I'd found a clue to something different : how we each ARE without really being - how we each ARE everywhere while being NOWHERE too - 'blue mountain white snow gleam through pine bulk and slender needle-sprays' - like that as it was said and so much more and I thought I understood the moment THIS ONE that very moment itself as it happened : and it too passed me by.
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Bergdorf Goodman across the street - every taxing moment is catalogued - the saxophone player and the cormorant at the lake in Central Park the sunbathers and the people otherwise engaged while lounging on the ground the sorrowful sleeping bag-lady scrunched like paper by the statue near the library's old side steps and all the people standing in the sunlight.
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These are grave thoughts Europa and I really should be reading Blake anew - every line and nook and cranny every word around a word to the absolute very last - but now all my things are gone too and I reflect only by memory for the present time is now a world I cannot understand nor walk through AND SO this hymn to you and I ask beseech and plead that you at the very least listen to me once and not abscond with my thoughts and memories of everything which once was ('for who is left to tell us who?') and there would be no one were it not me who witnesses and tells anew THIS WORLD is sunk and sunken too Europa and everything has died without hope of rebirth or resurrection as the dead so dead shall walk forever to Death and ne'er reach the ends of that great trek and GOOD for them they deserved it all (if it is a simple matter then it shall be easy but if it is dense the difficulties shall be absurd) and even Atlas were he now to reappear would be asked over and over 'has this been ever done before was it ever a film or something I could watch would I know the words if I had to sing them?' for no matter what else IT IS NOW LIKE THAT in this foul harbor where no boats berth.