Established Marvel : a Monk by Abbreviation

54. FOUGHT AND TWISTED TOO:

My life had become a lance in the turtle of time and I had become the turtle also - the hard shell protecting everything inside but the head and limbs tucked in too and withdrawn for protection though the lance had somewhat broken through the shell - I was wounded and bled and staggered a bit but was able to forthfully proceed and go on and dreams and the mists of memory in their vague and distorted ways still moved me along - chasing the tramp steamer of time watching the supple small waves of the Hudson's west piers and the slithery oils of the East River opposite that and from both directions I ran and singed with the fires of curiosity and passion every page I could find : meticulous movement of great arc'ing Heavens the glimmering saddles of the stars and the moon as I could find them and in each direction I went I found semblances of humanity tired and dragged and found people in each degree of wealth or degradation worth something - whether small or large or broken or whole : those such as Tony Main for instance (who'd said 'you can't be waiting forever for what you expect is going to happen because that's when what you least expect grabs you by the balls and yanks') were found to have value and intensity to me in some means of excitation and energy which let me see things as I'd never seen before and I scant listened to anything but that which would bring me lessons as I realized how sacred and graceful was the moment EVERY moment if you'd just separate what it was from the dross around it and sanctify your attention to greater things - there were words and events and people and points-of-view all around me that I'd never even thought existed while I'd lived the sore and sheltered life of some stupid suburban homeboy growing up and by those means I began to detest all those who'd given me that (in some twisted obverse way of hating that which had protected me to grow) and wondered how and why people such as my parents and the rest could have retreated to garbage heaps of newly built and cheap suburban tracts in places where no man belonged and how and why AFTER a war which they'd somehow fought to stave off Evil it had turned all wrong and there was no Evil like their own and the Evil they'd chased was a manipulated fabrication anyway and the very Earth because of it all was coated in filth and coated in the shit of lies and twisted truths and stories would be surfacing of horrid punishments and experiences and all the Eichmann's of the mind were brought forth for further torture and toil but nothing so smacked to me of the very same Evil and Deceit as what had gone on before as the calm and clear acceptance of crap like Anne Frank's Diaries - insipid vapid tales with an agenda produced by her nasty and cranky father for gain : and the fabrication spread and everywhere golden doors opened and leaden doors were slammed shut as lucre and money arose first and the world had FOUGHT for Jews and was now again TWISTED by them too - and there was nothing to do about it but go on or shoot back - and no one did a thing this go-round over...