Established Marvel : a Monk by Abbreviation

49. VISITING WITH THE VISIGOTHS - OR SO IT SEEMED THEN:

It never seemed miraculous to me that I could be in all these places and experience (sometimes without knowing) so much of what was going down then of which people now call ‘glorious and legendary times’ - which of course is all bullshit - but having the personal knowledge that all of this has gone through me lends credence to something within me something like that perhaps I really WAS just a half-step out-of-step all of my life and that I did miss all of this by just a fraction - so that whatever it would have taken for me to go from a bystander to a true participant was but a tiny thing and I missed it or flubbed it or ignored it or couldn’t read the signs of it - but then that starts one to thinking WHY and by whose plan or for what reason would a particular someone be brought right to the proscenium of something like this just to have it all pulled away by fortuitous momentum gone bad by bad planning by bad luck or whatever and one CANNOT just dwell on this stuff for the remainder of life because it truly could KILL or cause one at least to KILL oneself (I suppose) so what you really have to do is pull it all back re-group catalogue and sort and pull out from that mass of experience everything that coalesces and stands out and allows you to draw lessons from it take direction or find better understanding - and most importantly find HAPPINESS.